Irredeemable
by auricolet
Summary: Rey begins her Jedi training at the same time Kylo Ren is completing his training as a Knight of Ren. A dark force is trying to influence them both through the process. What will happen when they finally meet in battle? Reylo. Dark themes and reference to non-consensual activities.
1. Offing

**Decided I needed a meatier project for myself since I can't avoid the Reylo fire. Check out my story "Art of Control" for a detailed description of Kylo Ren's dream. Please R &R, I would love to hear what you think!**

 **Warning: Story will eventually contain graphic content, including violence and sexual themes.**

* * *

 _Offing (n.) -_ _the deep distant ocean that is still visible from the land; the forseeable future._

 _Kill Him…_

She stands over the glaring figure. The man from her nightmares is panting, practically helpless. He does not beg or plead for his life. He doesn't say a word. His dark eyes stare into hers, with a strange conviction. The blue blade hums with energy, ready to put an end to this character who has inflicted so much terror on her, and her friends. Who killed his own father… Her hand steadies, as if to make the final blow. A dark sensation begins to blossom within her heart, as she grips the saber, its blade inches from the skin. The command rings clear.

 _KILL HIM NOW!_

" _NO!"_ Rey sat up, her eyes flew open, her chest heaving, as the vision fades, and she orients herself to her surroundings. She was still there, surrounded by the soft roar of the ocean, the cool, stable humid air. No space-ship. No sabers. The spartan room held only a few, necessary items, for basic self-care and meditation. The firm sleeping surface was warm from where her body had been. She could hear the footsteps before the hooded figure appeared at the open doorway. Had she cried out in her sleep so loudly? Had he seen the darkness that was dwelling within her?

"The dream again." His voice was soft, but clear to her. A statement, not a question.

"Yes, Master Luke." She stood, respectfully, as he bowed his head to enter the tiny dwelling. "The same. I don't understand it though. Why would Snoke want me to kill his Apprentice?"

The Jedi paused momentarily, to answer his padawan in a measured response. "Men like Snoke don't care about those who serve beneath them. They care about what those who work for them can offer care about power. If you are more powerful than my old apprentice, he will want you to take his place. Or he will want to ensure you are destroyed."

"I will _never_ join the Dark Side." Rey answered with resolve. "They have done so much harm…so many horrible things."

"It is easy to think so when you are in a quiet place of peace. But when you are in the midst of the heat of battle, and must meet with the Dark Side, you may find that you're looking at a familiar face." Luke's words came from experience, that much the young padawan knew. His expression was one of pain and sorrow. He'd faced the same twice, both times the Dark Side had taken shape in his own family and loved ones. He had been betrayed, and he had been pushed through being tempted by the power of the Dark Side himself. She studied his face. Though his expression was not as telling, the reverberating thrum of his normally tranquil mind was disturbed. No one else would have sensed that except for her.

"I will do my best to remember that, Master Luke." She answered. She felt him seem to share these feelings with her, followed by a gentle wave of peace and softness.

"It will be dawn soon. When you are ready, meet me outside. We will meditate on this."

* * *

 _She can't escape this time…_

 _You're a monster…_

 _This is wrong…._

The room is dark. He wakes, panting heavily, the scar across his face burning with agony. His breath is ragged and thin, and he's covered in a sheen of sweat. The only sound in the dark quarters is a soft beeping. They are almost at their destination. To complete his training.

 _Help me, Grandfather…_

Again, the scavenger girl invaded his dreams. Again he imagined destroying her, defiling her. He didn't want to think about what he'd seen. What he had done. The sick sensation of the imagery and his own pain from the healing wounds made him want to retch. His skin was clammy, and soon a medical droid appeared, responding to his vital sensors experiencing an anomaly. It offered him more anesthetic treatment, and he gritted his teeth. He could feel that he had not been alone in his mind. Someone had been meddling. Few individuals held such power. He could guess what it meant. Who had given him these visions.

"How far are we from the Supreme Leader's headquarters?" He hissed, as the droid was changing his dressing. No response. Medical droids were not programmed to answer such questions. He practically slammed the back of his head down again against the firm surface. The pain sparked anew here, but was dulled by the drugs the droid had administered. The mechanical voice resounded, somewhat forcefully. "Please hold still, Sir. Do not aggravate your injuries."

Kylo Ren didn't take orders from droids. But in his current state he didn't feel he had much strength to argue. He breathed heavily, trying to calm himself as the medication took its course, smoothing the edges of the pain, allowing his muscles to relax, as the ship hurtled through space toward its destination. The droid departed, dimming the lights, bathing him once more in darkness.

* * *

Rey didn't mind the intensity of her training. Her entire memory of her life before had been difficult. This was difficult too, but she was not without food, and she did not have to constantly fend of the likes of Unkar Platt and his cronies. The most infuriating part of it all was the mass of unanswered questions. So many questions Luke had not been able, or willing? to answer.

She sat cross-legged, her eyes closed, against the natural stone parapet. She tried to clear her mind, allowing the ocean breeze to be the center of her focus, before turning it inwardly, trying to make sense of the recurring theme of her dreams. Nightmares were no stranger to her. But there was nothing subtle about this particular terror. It ate at her, and she found herself unable to concentrate anymore. The face of her previous captor, Solo's son and murderer, didn't stray from her mind. Her eyes fluttered open, her expression grim. She sensed Luke nearby, but resolved to still herself, finding her concentration irreparably damaged for the time being.

"I've seen this place before.." Rey whispered. Luke sat still as a statue, but his attention had reached her. "I… dreamed about it. When I was still on Jakku."

Silence from her companion. She wondered if she'd said something wrong, but she knew she hadn't angered him. His concentration had been broken before she'd uttered a word. Finally, he did open his mouth to speak. "I'm very glad you found me, then."

His cryptic comment only made her burn with more questions, but this was not the goal of their exercise. His aiding influence quelled her concerns, and with his help she felt herself calm, re-orient to the soft roar of the ocean waves, a soothing balm that could almost banish the burning existence that had been her life on the desert planet. She tried to attune herself to the creatures around them, who she knew all took part in the Force. Big or small, each held a fragment of that greater power she and select few could manipulate. A great power, and horrible test of restraint for some.

Her breathing slowed, and her eyes shut, as she felt the slight change in temperature, the dawn sunlight beginning to adorn her skin.


	2. Orenda

**Thank you for the feedback so far! Hopefully I can keep up the interest. I think the visions they both see are about to get much darker. And, just a warning, I eat misery and heartbreak for breakfast, so please don't hold out for a very happy outcome at the end...**

* * *

 _Orenda (n.) (Iroquois) - mystical force present in all people that empowers them to affect the world or effect changes in their own lives._

Kylo Ren stood tall and stiffly, trying his best not to let show the pain that still lingered from his injuries. He had gone without his mask donned, to show Snoke the dedication that he possessed, the physical traces of his sacrifice. Snoke had already seen that he had lost to the scavenger girl and her friends, but the scar was only reason to fuel him toward his objective. Not a badge of honor, but he could not let the Supreme Leader think it was a mark of shame either.

The man, if he could be called that, seated away from him. He did not turn around to grace the young man with his face. Kylo Ren could feel the Leader's presence though, almost suffocating around him. Unlike the holograms, which appeared to be dozens of feet tall, the actual figure of the one himself felt even larger, more overbearing.

"Always eager, my young Apprentice." Snokes low voice. "But you stand before me weakened. While you grow softer, she is growing strong."

His mouth felt dry. There was nothing he could say. Snoke's disappointment grated the already raw wound of his failures, and the subverted pain that he felt from taking his father's life. _Have I not done all that I could to prove my loyalty and strength?_

"Go. When you are ready, I will send for you."

The sting of the rejection caused his hands to grip into a fist, a soft sound of leather crunching between the fingers and the palm, as he turned, placing his helmet over his face as he exited the dark cathedral. His fingers twitched, wanting to wreck havoc, to release the anger he was suppressing, but the pain of each step made it hard to concentrate. His disappeared to his quarters, to contemplate what to do until he was called.

 _Peace is a lie…there is only passion._

* * *

 _There is no emotion, there is peace._

"Tell me about your vision, Rey."

She sat cross-legged, across from Luke, breathing softly into the cool air. She still hadn't completely adjusted to the climate. Here the days were overcast, and on this morning a cold fog had settled into the jutting peaks of the modest island, the cold moisture sapping at her skin, making her nose and cheeks numb. She balled and unballed her hands into fists, hoping to bring the warmth of circulation back to her fingertips.

"It was a blur, so many things flashing before me all at once. I ...am not sure if I can remember it all." She licked her lips, feeling a weight like guilt come over her, knowing part of her reluctance due to the pain associated with revisiting the jolt and the aftermath, of learning she would never be back on Jakku, waiting to be rescued and reunited with…

"Just one thing, that you can remember clearly." His voice, softly. "Show me."

Rey closed her eyes, breathing in and out, . _..dark night, rain slick across the muddied ground, an old man kneeling next to the R2 unit, a metallic hand holding it to pull himself up, flashing to the sound of a lightsaber being ignited, the red glow illuminating eight black figures against the thunderous rain, the red blade through the torso of a man who blotted her vision before falling to the ground…_

She opened her eyes, boring her gaze into Luke's. He recognized what he saw. She felt the brush of his mind, non-intrusive, as he mulled it over. She shut her connection, as she had learnt instinctively, and Luke had shown her to perfect. He nodded. "This is how you know me?"

"That, and the legend that people spoke of in outpost, the Last Jedi."

"The lad Jedi…" he repeated, letting the words drift into the roar of the ocean. With a sardonic smile, he commented, "What a legacy. Come, I think it's time we broke our fast. Then I have something special for you."

Luke's morose attitude seemed to persevere much of the time she'd been with the Jedi. He had once had such high hopes, to train the next generation. She had seen it, in his memories, though she knew he tried to repress them. But she had seen the images not unlike her own vision, the red, unstable blade, the slain bodies of the padawans. Something had gone terribly wrong. The answer still hadn't come to her. She followed Luke up the steps, easily matching his stride, her bow-staff at her side.

* * *

A hooded figure entered the training chamber, his gait less strained each passing moment. The dark room was empty at this time of night. But he preferred it that way. He had to prove to Snoke that he was capable of completing his mission. He would be stronger than he'd ever been. All of this pain wouldn't be for nothing.

 _Through passion I gain strength._

The training program began, holograms with blasters surrounding him in the arena, and blaster cannons around the room began to aim for the figure in the center of the floor. The hum of his weapon sung, a familiar sound he relished. It sparked and crackled as the energy seemed to try to escape from the bounds that held it, begging to be loosed on a victim. The warrior began to swirl in a frenzy, brushing aside the blaster fire as the saber cut through the armored figures, breaking the synthesized forms into voiceless pieces, the energy of the blade shimmering through the dissolution of each beaten foe. The weapon swallowed the blaster's fire, absorbing it with a satisfying hunger, as the power channeled through Kylo Ren, giving him the heady sensation as he found his balance, the numbers began to grow. Finally, the program ended, the weapon sheathed with a resistant hiss, and he caught his breath. Not a blow had glanced him today.

 _Through strength, I gain power._

He began to stalk back to his quarters, the exhaustion making him feel at once relaxed and frustrated. He felt a shimmer brush up against him, as if someone had touched his shoulder. The mental intrusions had come more regularly. He hadn't dared approach Supreme Leader again. He wondered if it had been another test, as the images had flashed before his eyes, the scavenger as his prisoner. He had wanted to reach into her mind, not for the map now. But to see the source of the incredible power she possessed. In his mind's eye, a warped image, and _he found himself leaning against the wall, as he grabbed her by the hair, making her feel physical pain for her being unwilling to open her mind to him, share her power…_

 _Through power I gain victory._

He opened his eyes, to see he'd left a gash across the floor and wall, singed black from his blade. He clenched his teeth. Every day seemed to make his obsession grow. By trying to take her memories, he'd let her in, and now she was there to stay. _Get out of my head…GET OUT!_

The sensation melted away, he'd beaten off the source for the time being. But he knew they'd be back to haunt him again. He hurried back to his chambers, before the patrols would be increased, before anyone would notice he had left.

* * *

 _There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

She held the small pile of crystals in her hands. She would have had enough rations for the rest of her life should she have sold just the smallest of them back on Jakku. The seemed to have an inherent glow to them. She marveled them in the dim light of the small stone hut, her eyes alight.

"They were the last I could salvage…" His voice was still full of disappointment in himself. "I hope you can find one that calls to you."

Rey placed them back on the rough fabric that they'd been kept safe in, and took a few steps back. She closed her eyes feeling the soft thrum within each of them, as if they were themselves alive. She tried to focus her energies on them all simultaneously, attuning to "listen" for a connection to one of them. Deep breathing… she opened her palm and willed the strongest pull to come to her of its own volition, feeling the connection grow heavier until the crystal fit snugly into the palm of her hand, a warm weight that told her she'd found her match.

Luke made no comment, as she opened her eyes, to see the subtle blue glow. She held it out to him, as if expecting him to take it from her to inspect it, but he did not make a move toward her. "I thought it was time for you to make your own lightsaber."

"What do I need to do?" Rey couldn't take her eyes off of the small crystal, that channeled so much power.

"You must imbue it with your force, meditate on its power and your own. Reflect. You will know when it is time." The two departed the small hut, and Rey returned to her small abode, sitting with the still-warm crystal safely tucked between her hands, and closed her eyes, letting the rest of the world fall away.

 _There is no passion, there is serenity._


	3. Sillage

**After a third watch, I think I have a good idea now of some backstory fill for both of our main characters. Still have the general story in-work though, and not sure how long it will be. Looking forward to building on their connection, and how badly their Masters want to either exploit or manipulate it. Thank you so much for the reviews! (tumblr is auricolet if you want to look at all of my speculations)**

* * *

 _Sillage (n.) - a perfume's ability to permeate the room, like the wake of a boat in the water_

"You have done sufficiently, Apprentice."

The cold voice resonated, the Supreme Leader gracing him with his presence. Ren's chest heaved from his exertions, the training module completed. He recovered quickly, keeping his mouth tightly closed. He felt a sort of hollow gratitude, no real happiness for this acceptance back into his fold. Adequate was not his goal. He had to surpass the girl's growing powers; or find a way to subvert them.

"We must look to other tools," The cruel smile. "There is more than strength in physical weapons. You must learn how to use the Force's power within yourself. Exploit it."

A blow from Snoke, and Ren fell to his knees. He clenched his fists and his teeth, but did not make a sound. It was not the first time Snoke had dealt him this. It was how he had learned to inflict such tactics on others. Rifling through the mind, intentionally increasing the centers that could perceive physical pain, or worse, emotional anguish. It was not difficult for Snoke this time around. There was much baggage that Kylo Ren had acquired since his last intensive.

"This will not do…" The sensation stopped suddenly, a low burning in his head and limbs, but Kylo Ren forced himself to a stand. Snoke remained his usual composed self. "You cannot guard yourself from my guidance, and I see your weaknesses, still linger, despite accomplishing your greatest test."

The humiliation was too much. After all he'd done and sacrificed, he felt betrayed. "I did as you asked!" He finally protested. His voice cracking as he retorted.

"Yes, that you did." The snide reply. "But lingering compassion… I see what you feel for the girl. I see your revulsion at the idea of overcoming her powers. You care about her."

This time the pain came with visions of her face, her wide brown eyes as she'd stared in awed horror, perplexity. _The images came gently at first, a softness to them, before the bled dark, savage, as Ren's hands removed her clothes, gripping soft skin too tightly, as he pummeled her against the interrogation chair, her choked cries silenced but a blow… He doesn't stop, as she loses consciousness, until he has completed his own pleasure. Her body lies limp, but still breathing, soiled, dark bruises blooming on her skin._

He shivered, trying to remain expressionless as the vision dissipated.

"I can sense feel you disdain for this." Snoke's voice was almost disinterested. "That you feel so caring for a treacherous scavenger from the rim."

Even with this suffering, he found himself defending her. "She could be useful for us! She's got so much power, Supreme Leader."

"Doubtless, or she would not have withstood your interrogation." He grimaced. "Until you can prove that she can be controlled, she is only a danger to all of us, and she still increases in power each day. Even you could feel that I am sure, the shift in the Force has not stopped."

"I have not...sought her out." He chose his words carefully.

The Supreme Leader smiled with the unscarred portion of this thin mouth. "Do it, then."

Kylo knelt, finding a position of comfort. He closed his eyes, tentatively opening his mind to the sensation of the force. It took little time to identify that singular irregularity among the trillions of lifeforms, the one that resonated so clearly, the mind he could not breach. He could sense her, of course, but not her whereabouts, not her thoughts or cares. But there she was. He pushed his mind a little more, probing as much as he could. Snoke's own projection seemed to be following behind him, a chaperone as he delved into where he could sense her powers grow. The stirring was there.

"Interesting…" Snoke's comment instantly removed Ren from his plane of thought, jarring him back into the black chambers. "Good, good. I believe you may still hold your own, my young Apprentice. We may find a way to her yet.."

* * *

The pale shimmering beams erupted from the ends of the staff, with a synchronous, fluid movement. The blue-light illuminating off the ends of her fingertips and the flat contours of her face. Her eyes reflected the lines of blue light, mesmerized. The sensation of having her own weapon, from the efforts of her craft, was unique to using Luke's old light-saber. The saber that had belonged to Anakin Skywalker had never been hers, or Luke's in truth. The weapon in her hands hummed along with her own energy with a crystalline precision. It was an extension of her own body.

A few rounds from a blaster, easily deflected.

"Now, we do it properly…" Luke half-smiled, reminiscing of his earliest use of the light-saber. "Hide your eyes with this."

The blindfold gave a perfect darkness to her vision, and several more rounds were fired. She found herself stung as she'd failed to react quickly enough, trying to gauge with the sound of the firing of the blaster.

"Use the Force, Rey. Feel for where it is going to be." Luke's voice, disembodied, disappeared behind another round.

This time, she managed to maneuver the staff with better precision, twirling it to find the approaching discharge. The plasma beam made a short of snapping sound as it deflected the fire, scattering the energy pulse. The rounds came faster, and she found herself facing invisible opponents on several sides, twirling her staff on a constant, careful stream, the danger of the energy reaching back to her carefully noted in the back of her mind. She felt far more comfortable with the weapon in her hands, her movements more fluid as she lunged and blocked the oncoming fire. Eventually the onslaught ceased, and she deactivated the saber, the hum of its blades silenced. It sat comfortably at her side, in a handmade holster.

A ripple made her pause.

"Did you feel that, Master Luke?" Rey had trouble placing the sensation, so dim, so brief, she could barely parse it. She pressed on, trying to hold onto it, like water running from her hands.

Luke gave her a quizzical look, unsure of what she had noticed. "Describe it to me…" She tried to project it to him, sharing the link she felt. Almost instantly his face contorted to concern, and he commanded "STOP!"

The connection wavered, and Rey snapped it shut herself. Without a word, he nodded for her to follow him, and they trekked back to the housing areas. "We should prepare to leave, and find a new training ground."

"What's wrong, Master?" Rey seemed disturbed by his sudden change of mood. "What is going on?"

"They're looking for us. For you."

* * *

 _Ben, you are so strong. Do you not feel it?_

 _The boy sat in his room alone, darkness cloaking him from the rest of the home. He cowered from the sound of shouted but empty threats, a slamming door, and the familiar sound of the Falcon's engines powering up, to disappear again. The voice again, in his head, here to comfort him._

 _Who are you? His mind reached toward the mysterious voice._

 _I am a friend, Ben._

 _The voice was soft, almost soothing._

 _You are a talented child, did you not know? See that doll, Ben? Look at it, think on it, bring it to you._

 _The boy did as he was bid, and slowly the stuffed creature rose a few inches, and began to slowly progress toward him. As the boy reached toward it, it fell to the ground. The darkness around him seemed to swallow him up, as the setting shifted, and he could see a soft form beside him, moving toward him as if to comfort him. A stirring of feeling overwhelmed him, and he felt a crushing sensation as pain enveloped him -_

Pain. Like every wound from each encounter seared through him as he woke. He slammed his hand against the hard surface of the wall next to his cot, feeling the physical, controlled sensation help distract from the feelings he was edging on. He felt like he was losing his sanity. This vision… was not from Supreme Leader. Someone, something else, and stirred up some sensation from a time long ago. Snoke would find out soon enough, and Kylo Ren was not inclined to keep him waiting.


	4. Lítost

Lítost (n.) the state of agony or torment; sorry said to be created by the site of one's own misery or torment.

* * *

The vision was like a half-remembered dream. The boy, the dark room. Something familiar yet off about the surroundings. The voice from nowhere, bidding the child. Rey couldn't help but feel a creeping sensation up her spine, and she awoke with a sense of disorientation. Something had shifted.

She awoke with a nagging, burning pain in her head, squinting as he shivered in her scrap of a bed aboard Luke's modest vessel. But that sense hadn't faded. That connection hadn't broken. Not entirely. The faint thrum of it rang through the back of her mind, despite the pain as he head ached.

Rey rejoined the pilot as she saw them flying through eons of space. Most of it had been relatively uncharted, desolate from help and hurt. But no place better to disappear.

"Are you ill, Rey?"

"No, Master Luke… just a headache." She laid her head back, as she sat in the seat. "Not something I've had in a while."

"The dream, again?"

"No." She responded. "At least, not the same. No anger this time."

Luke simply nodded. While most would have found the Jedi's mannerisms, bred from a long time in isolation, to be difficult, Rey understood solitude. But she wasn't convinced at him being satisfied with her answer. She was able to feel the energy outline of his feelings, and she could sense that he'd picked up on her hesitation, her confusion. The sadness…

"Luke… I .. I think you need to tell me what happened."

He shook his head. "Now is not the time, Rey."

"When will it be? No one will speak to me about it. Leia was distraught, and all I got from Threepio was 'So terribly sorry, that's classified I'm afraid'."

Luke flinched slightly at the mention of his twin sister. The memory had been painful for them all. Her son's actions had wedged a rift between the siblings, perhaps irreparably so. And nothing had been done to heal them. Rey wanted to ask more questions, pursue the topic, but until they were on solid ground again, she decided to let it be. She wordlessly got up, greeting Artoo, before heading to the nutrient stores to get herself something to eat and drink. Mindlessly, she thumbed the hardrive that had once held the missing piece to finding Luke. Leia had gifted it to her after her departure, after making copies for their own records. Even with the last piece, Leia had not felt up to meeting her brother. After all that had happened...

* * *

"The connection… you say it began in the interrogation."

"Yes Supreme Leader." His voice is now muffled behind a new mask, graveled, guarded. He feels safer this way. "I found something novel in her mind, and when I diverted my attention, I hit the barrier. There was a reaching then, and she was able to see my mind."

"This must be handled carefully.. but I think it can be to our great benefit."

Ren sensed that Snoke was most keen on finding the scavenger. Though the girl stayed on both of their minds, Ren could attune a different influence as far as Snoke's perception of her. The thoughts crept into his head that had not plagued him for many years. That had not plagued him since working with the old Jedi, or failing to live up to his father's expectations. He mulled on this, not wanting to give it his attention, and the misdirection caught Snoke's attentions.

"Ah.. my apprentice. Your thoughts betray you." The thin voice was almost amused. "You are still the most talented of my apprentices. Make sure you keep it that way."

He felt his cheeks burn, ashamed of dwelling on the thought that Rey was more powerful than he. It had not been an even match between them, with her untrained, unruly skills and keeping his body together through sheer willpower, trying to reach her, not kill her. He couldn't help but admit her strength, but he was eager to prove he could get ahead of her. He could beat her. The resolve tempered, and he grounded himself. He must find her. He must prove his strength. Whether to kill or subdue her, he must maintain his role. With a steely glint in his dark eyes, he gazed back at Snoke, his attention undivided.

"Then I will find her. Show me the way, Supreme Leader, and I will take her."

* * *

Wherever they had landed was nothing like Jakku. Similar more, to Takoda, but she doubted it was one in the same. The trees stretched higher than she'd ever seen, and a cool chill enveloped them, not unlike the cool ocean-stable climate of lonely outpost that housed the first Jedi Temple.

Luke sat astride the speeder. He seemed concerned, uncertain, but largely masked otherwise. "I must attend to some things, not far from here. It would be best if you stayed close to the ship. Keep an eye out, and keep your mind guarded."

Before she could protest, the hooded figure disappeared, and Rey felt that sinking sensation, that she was to be left alone once more, unsure of whether or not he would return. The sting of being left on Jakku would never be relieved. It was a vulnerability that only Finn had seemed to overcome.

Rey slumped, leaning against the cool metal. The small amount of exposed skin on her neck tingling with a shiver, she tried to carefully construct an inner barrier, but remain open enough to the outside sounds of her surroundings. The glancing memory had led her thoughts astray, as she thought of Finn, not knowing how his recovery had been. She had heard no word of him, no word from the Rebellion at all. It gave her a hollow feeling, sinking into the familiar emptiness of the ruined AT-AT, with the countless marks, the constant vigilance. The empty wasteland of the Graveyard and the empty sandy plains.

 _Loneliness…_

The sensation crept into her psyche so quietly, she'd hardly noticed it, until it had grown, eating away at the edges of her barriers. Insecurity poured into her, a more foreign emotion for Rey. But compounded with the thing that had made her most fearful, she found herself drowning in the sudden intensity of the helpless sensation. She sunk to the dirt, tears beginning to stream down the sides of her face. She wanted someone to reach out, like Finn had done, like Han had done, to offer her a place in their life. The receptivity allowed that familiar ripple to pervade, a trickle at first. A familiarity. She reached back toward it, begging internally for it to recognize her back.

It connected.

The flood of emotions hit her like a wave, awash with the sensation of regret, curiosity. Fear. The fear, seemed to underlie it all. Rey tried to parse it, her mind filtering what was happening, and she realized this was not supposed to be. She tried to shut it down now, but she had allowed in too much of the awareness to pervade her senses, and she began to feel a tinge of physical pain.

 _No, no , no…_

 _She could see him standing above her. This was his projection? She could not be sure. But he bore into her eyes with his black pupils, his face shown freely, a more intimate visage than she'd known. It twisted from the dark enemy, the face of the murderer, to the softer contours of his face, his eyes staying the same. She felt herself being ripped in two, her mind struggling to return to reality, to push back against his insecurity, his fear. But something else simmered under the surface, and it spilled into her, a gentler sensation, succulent. She sought it out, until it changed, the soft impression sharpened, now white-hot. Pain, she felt it. He was in pain._

 _He shifted again, now no longer a man, the mystery never fully realized, as he descended upon her, and she felt herself fall to the ground… he was going to hurt her, he wanted her… and she would not let him. She would not be his pawn. The anger welled up within her, the source from her own heart, spilling back at him. Her mind found its resolve, she wrenched herself forward, moving up and through him, splitting him in half, as he disappeared into shadow. Laughter…_

 _NOOOO!_

She gasped for air, gulping the humid surroundings, as she felt the searing pain, now reduced to a simmer. A real, physical pain ached from the back of her head, and she drew back to find herself bleeding. Her heart was racing. This was even worse than the first time.

Now she no longer felt the need for companionship. Anyone who was with her would almost certainly be destroyed. Even a Jedi, would not withstand whatever force they brought forth. Perhaps her sacrifice could allow Luke to start again, divert the First Order's attentions as they sought her out. She could buy them time. She tried to formulate a plan… thoughts bouncing between each other.

She hurried into the small craft, and set the sequences. It would be better.. if no one knew where she was. No one could be hurt that way. She felt a small part of herself wither, the tears still wet on her face, as the shuttle lifted, soaring into the air.

 _I'm sorry Master Luke._


	5. Scintilla

_Scintilla (n.) - a tiny trace or spark of a specified quality or feeling._

He felt a part of himself, touched by her presence, reaching out, as if it take his hand. It begged for companionship, and he took her grasp in his own, embracing, exposing a part of himself he'd not felt in years, awakened. It pooled between them, that warm sensation. A small amount of his internal anguish melted away… but the pain, from another source, hit them both with a jolt, re-envisioning his power. She cowered before him, then rebelled with a vengeance. Her anger buffeted him, shoving the small exchange between them, finally breaking the bridge between them by force.

Ren involuntarily shouted, his voice echoing within the chamber. He held his side, where the trace of the wound still remained. His jaw clenched. It had worked. It had worked so well. He wanted nothing more than to try to pry open the connection again, to find her there and them.

He isn't ready, but we are running out of time…

* * *

Rey watched as the binary suns disappeared one after the other. The darkness widened and the cold set in. In a few hours she'd be struggling to stay warm, as desert climates had taught her. The ship had been carefully concealed near an over-ridge, sheltered in part by a small trio of boulders. She hoped she had gone far enough to disappear. Rey had stopped finally, landing on a familiar surface of a foreign world. The desert winds were much the same as her old home in Jakku, but the landscape had its own unique qualities. The rocky surfaces were crawling with life-forms of all manner, their presence dimly palpable to her as she stood guard by her ship. She knew the denizens of this planet would likely be as carefully guarded and unscrupulous as the place she'd once called home.

She needed to open her mind up to them, so they'd not find Luke. Especially with him being stranded, though she was certain once he'd come back to find her gone, he'd know what had happened. She'd kept her barriers slammed shut since the incident, no margin of sensation, making her less able to sense the smaller intricacies of her surroundings. It didn't matter at that moment, but if she found herself in a battle, she'd do poorly. Alone again, she had to figure out what to do next.

Rey locked herself back up in the ship, hoping that the disturbance of someone trying to break into it would jar her aware if it came to it. She let the world outside fall away, piece by piece, until she reached a state of emptiness… and lowered the gates.

* * *

His eyes flew open. He could feel his heart in this throat.

Here? Now?

She was there, almost as palpable as if she was in this very room. Her mind touched his like a caress, the gentleness making him shy away, afraid of an inevitable pain he could only expect. There would always be pain, and he cringed as he felt that soft impression melt over him. The serenity seemed to focus him.

It was just the two of them now.

Standing across the gorge. Both wounded, both alone. No one to save them. No one to find another way. But she did not come for him. She kept her weapon at her side, eyes blazing, as she stared back. Anger and fear, yes, but something else too. Because it wasn't just the same as that lonely cold night that had changed everything.

He could tell she was surprised now. Why wasn't he coming after her? Didn't they need to chase her? Did they already find Luke?

Ah. Luke. The last Jedi... where is Luke?

She says nothing out loud, but the answer is there: I couldn't say. I left. I had to leave. ...then, triumphantly. You can only look for me.

A shift. He is no longer surprised or fearful. He looks at her, and suddenly is is there in front of her. He holds her shoulders, firmly, with a gentleness she had not been expecting. And before she can try to lead him in any way, she feels the force of another, burning against them.

No...no…

The shadows grow longer, Kylo Ren's the longest of them all, as the pain engulfs him, and he looms over her. And she finally sees what he has been envisioning, the poisoned images of his aggression, but more poignantly, the caresses, the closed gap between them that would unite them… that is what he wants of her. She cannot help but recoil, and Ren is heady, confused at the projecting images that seem to both stem from his own mind and the mind of his master. Rey tries to break the connection, remembering the last thing she had seen, the extracted binary twilight shatters as the last image to come across.

Snoke's pull jolts him away, Rey retreating to her own. He runs to the Leader's quarters, distraught. "She isn't with Luke, Supreme Leader. She is on the run! The place she is… another desert hovel. Two suns disappear over a ridge." The crooked smile seems to indicated Snoke's knowing. His eyes are cruel, but Kylo Ren can only see the pleasure that ekes through, the thrill at knowing the next step. He feels a wash of betrayal, and before he is bade to speak again, he stands. "I will go find her."

"Of course you will." Snoke laughs. "You are not ready, but she is not either. Do you not recognize that desert hovel? DO you not know who has sprung from that forsaken, empty planet of the rim?"

The air seemed to thin. The image projected to him, and the words came, an exchanged knowing. Ren feels his heart stop, as he finds the answer, the boy with a shadow too tall for his small form. This is meant to be. He will find her there, and he will defeat her.

* * *

The images replay within her mind, his soft, boyish face morphing into the hideous mask, the face of all of the scavengers who had come after her once the payments had stopped keeping Unkar Platt's protection from that unknown source. She had faced off against this aggression before. She had always managed to overcome, find a way to avoid it. But this monster was more than that. Rey had not expected to find this buried in his mind. She saw his desire to cover her body with his, to feel her skin against his, his hands traversing her breasts and legs. It sent shivers up her spine, the realization, that he'd been fixated on her for so long, was chilling. She huddled to herself on the floor of the modest ship. She wanted desperately to run away and disappear again.

Her mind raced over the possibilities. SHe was certain that they were already on their way to come find her. Perhaps even just destroy the entire planet, should they have such technology again. But the bond between them, even though she loathed him more than she pitied him, she could not deny. She had seen into him, more than once now, and she could see that he wanted to best her. More than that, he wanted her. He would not kill her.

That realization, in and of itself, gave her small comfort. If he could not kill her, she could defeat him.


	6. Kairos

**NOTES: I recommend "Bloodstream" by Transviolet for this chapter. Also, it will make my day if you leave me a comment!**

* * *

 **Kairos** (n.) - the perfect, delicate crucial moment; fleeting rightness of time and place

He hadn't been able to wait for long. Snoke's intentions seemed unclear to him, but Ren's mind was too focused on a singular purpose now. There was nothing else. The third brush with her mind, even from such a distance, had opened a wound raw, festering now within him. She was in his every waking moment, her brown eyes defiant in the back of his mind, challenging his resolve. He was feverish in his intentions. And he was determined to do this his way… no interference by Hux or the Order's personnel. His personal ship was to be left behind, in favor of a smaller, more covert vessel. He would go alone. Unless he ran out of time… This was his mission, and his alone.

He left quietly in the middle of the night, patrols did not ask as he climbed into his vessel, not commenting on the rushed movements of his normally unhurried pace. A hush had fallen over the station, and while he soared out of the hangar, he felt a small weight lift from his shoulders. As he jettied into the atmosphere he tested the link, nudging to confirm she had stayed. There was no change, she was still there, no movement. But she did not reach out again. She was waiting for him.

The dark ship stretched, shrunk and disappeared into a vortex of stars.

* * *

 _The stars sparkled in the distance from the viewpoints. The unease was palpable, as the young man gripped the silenced weapon, his white knuckles masked within black gloves. The mask recycled his breath back to him._

 _"Well done, Kylo. You are so close, brilliant boy. Look at what you have accomplished! In two years, more than what these miserable generals could do in ten. Only a few left…"_

 _The sound of the blood rushing past his ears could not drown out the sounds… the last ship had been spotted. The last rogue member of Luke's little academy. Who, like him, had left prematurely. Into obscurity, so they thought. But no wielder of the Force could be left unaccounted for. This target and those traveling with them were not allowed to carry on._

 _In the western reaches, they'd finally caught up to the failing ship, no ammunition remaining, nothing. They had boarded quickly. The craft, poorly piloted by a single passenger, whose eyes reflected their fate as clearly as if they were already slain._

 _"One life form, confirmed sir, no more."_

 _"What about the other.. the girl."_

 _"What girl?"_

 _The debris of the Jedi's ship shrunk in the distance as they disembarked, distancing themselves from the inconsequential little planets surrounding the white star in this remote system. The Jedi Killer had struck again, and only one remained for him to pursue…_

The vision had given her cause to contemplate. Her mind ached from it, something familiar to her, in the dead eyes of the slain Jedi. Brown eyes she could recognize… that she would never see again. Her stomach churned, but she did not allow herself to go hungry. Too many starving days on Jakku.. she would never deprive herself of food when it was readily available. How much longer it would last, she did not know, but she hoped she would not need to wait long for the First Order to make an appearance. It turned out to be less time than she'd anticipated.

It was almost morning. She tensed as she felt the shift. Even though she'd been expecting it, his presence, so near again, caused her to feel as if her chest constricted. Her breath caught in her throat. He was here. He was close. Her hands gripped the long hilt of her saber, and she clenched her teeth together, steeling herself for the encounter, as she carefully exited the ship. She would meet him on her own terms.

The first star had begun to peek above the horizon, as she squatted against the rocky edifice, her eyes staring West-ward, as she waited. The bond between them was closed, but like the roaring sandstorms of Jakku, she could feel him buffeting against the barriers of her mind, scraping with an insistent desperation. Eventually, as if, to hope to wear through the metallic wall encircling her consciousness.

"I should have guessed you'd find another dusty hellhole. Do you have any idea the significance of this place?"

She had been so concentrated on keeping him out of her head, she'd nearly missed his arrival. The black figure stood, a few dozen paces away. He was unmasked, hands empty. The repaired weapon at his hip. His gaze, that unsettling, penetrative gaze, locked on hers. She did not answer. As expected he had more to day.

"I'm came alone… to finish what we started. A show of faith."

At this, Rey stood, and ignited her own saber. The thrum of it ignited in the hot air around them, as she glared, her mind brimming with anger. How dare he approach, as if with good intentions, after she'd seen what he'd wanted to do to her? The spillover augmented, giving him a lick of her own intent. She was angry. She was expecting a fight to the death. Met with discussion… she wasn't sure what to do. But the anger was stronger than her bewilderment. And the strange dreams, pieces of Ren's history?, she could do nothing but push them aside, no matter how they snagged her conscience.

"Luke didn't get very far… You still need a teacher." Ren's voice was mocking, but his words were true. She had much to learn. She was, like him, unfinished.

"You're not a teacher. You're a monster."

 _You're a monster._

He felt the sting of that. Her own words, from his own memories, from her own experience, thrown back toward him. Unbidden, the vision rose again, of him holding her chin, his hand caressing her face. The two of them experienced it simultaneously. Rey couldn't decipher her feelings on the matter, other than it unsettled her, like sinking sands beneath her feet. Ren's desire bleeding into her subconscious, mixing with her fear to muddle her emotional response. Her mouth felt dry. The vision lasted only a moment, and she was spared the more cruel parts that she knew would follow.

"I can't stop thinking about you, Rey." He struggled to say her name aloud. He took another few steps toward her, his shoulders hunched, his breathing deepened. "You won't leave me any peace."

 _I don't want to destroy you._

The words come unbidden, unsaid. But they're as clear as the rising second sun. Rey recoils inwardly, at the intent that seems to thrum into her subconscious, that she wants to kill him then and there. But she shouldn't. She is at an impasse. She cannot move as he closes the distance between them. The lightsaber hums and he stands just outside of its reach. His eyes search her face, and she feels him probe her soul, feeling around her edges again, but with less insistence than before. As if asking for an invitation, to be allowed inside. The loneliness…

 _The loneliness…The desolation that wasn't hers. So lonely, alone at night. He felt that same aching emptiness. His own emptiness and solitude finally breached her walls, and their mutual feelings flooded each other. Just… one more step. Just take my hand…_

Her heart was in her throat, and she felt the tears come unbidden, as the lightsaber's beams disappeared, her hands shaking. Ren's own eyes were glassy, his breathing irregular, as he took another step, and another, finally close enough, he could feel her warmth, radiating back from her skin. He did not hesitate, and took her hand into his.


	7. Lethe

_Lethe (n.) a river in the Greek underworld, that when drunk from, made the souls forget the sufferings of life; oblivion_

The power flowed between them, their opposing desires finding common ground in the physical contact, and the emotions they both held became shared. He staggered, overcome with their shared forlorn sensitivity. He forged through it, gripping her wrist now, trying to ground himself, as he struggled to keep his mentality in check. Their same-ness was unnerving, and the part of himself he has kept hidden away for so long, buried deep within his heart, rears its head with a thousand hungry voices. The visions pass between them, shared and new alike. Like an old echoed dance, the played between them.

...these are your first steps…

They came too fast, drowning in the ever-faster exchange of information, of emotion. A young boy reaching out to his mother, crying. A young girl, hiding from a sandstorm. A pair of men, shadowed as their sabers clashed one felled, then the other. The loss, the emptiness… the loneliness they both suffered. An endless stream.

Ren was struck, unable to move, overwhelmed by the numinous encounter. The combined powers of them both, in her aching loneliness, had opened her up, and in joining, he'd reopened his own wounds alike. She recognized it to. They could both see within each other, hopeless to prevent the other from seeing their true desires, their darkest secrets.

You still want to kill me…

Compassion? For an enemy of the order?

The two phrases came almost simultaneously to the other's heads, the reality of their manipulations. Ren faltered at her contempt for him, though he should not have been surprised to see it so clearly. She desperately wanted to be away from him, for his presence to stop invading her mind, as she had his. Perhaps, she did not know that this connection was a mutual one? That he, too, was haunted endlessly. It did not matter - her raw anger was too much. She would not be open… she only stayed her hand at what she thought was the right thing to do. A Jedi doesn't kill, unless in defense of the self or another.

Rey felt the bile raise in her mouth, that he had gone against his only true master, with the intention of keeping her. What Snoke would have done to her… she could only imagine, based on the images she received from Ren's previous encounters. She suddenly remembered that they were touching. That she could end this agony. But at the same time, the fulfillment of their bond, in the flesh for the first in such a long time, she felt the ragged edges of her emotional emptiness soften. Their union, despite what it has revealed, gave her a measure of relief. As much as she wanted to tear her hand from his, the closeness of their bodies, the skin-to-skin contact gave her the wash of relief like she had not known since her journey off Jakku had begun.

But there is another…

* * *

The desert was not forgiving. The heat of the day upon them, and Rey's precarious use of her resources, her capacity began to fade. Despite her body's long ago adaptation to such a forbidding climate, the time spent on Ach-To had lessened her resolve. Both she and Ren finally pulled away, the world around them spinning from dehydration and heat. Rey knew exactly what to do, and pulled herself into the shade of the rocks, grasping her canteen in both hands, to allow herself a ration of water, so she would not faint. She watched as Ren stood in the sand, his black cloak covered in a thin sheen of pale dust. He did not take another step, but from the residual pulse of their bond, she could feel him aching to make contact once more. As much as she wished she could deny it, her own self desperately wanted the same. She could also sense the heat getting to him, and it would soon affect him more intensely. The black robes were a poor choice for such climate.

"What are you waiting for…" Rey kept her eyes on him. Her hand on her light-saber.

"We both know you aren't going to use it. Why bother?" He looked at the gesture, a sardonic smile on his face. But his tone changed. "It's no use running. Even if you escape right now, I will find you again. I will always be able to find you."

Her breath caught in her chest, Rey gripped the staff to quell her fear. He spoke the truth, as he always had with her. She gritted her teeth, steeling herself. "You cannot just take me to be yours. If you try to do… those... things to me.."

The images from his dreams came again to them both. Her gasping for air as he constricted her throat, as he fucked her against the wall of a cell...from behind… while her hands were tied… and he was both repulsed and excited by such visions, desiring to have her body, mind and spirit; consume her in every way she could be.

They blurred together and Rey found herself on the verge of retching. Both man and woman were approaching physiological breakdown. Ren's tall, looming figure no longer able to stand up straight. His dark eyes reflected his dark thoughts. His eyes, separated by the thick, gnarled scar. "You.. belong with me. You need a teacher."

She couldn't muster her usual response but the intent was there nonetheless. "I will never join the dark side!"

A battle of wills, perhaps, but Rey could see the blood slowly draining from his face as he stood, sweat accumulating on his skin. He could die without her interference. His eyes bored into hers, until finally he sank down, no longer able to stand, and knelt in the sand. Intuition told Rey that he would lose consciousness soon. Her ability to sense his thoughts confirmed it. Ren would be in the throes of heat stroke in short time. She said nothing, and barely noticed the glaring light in the sky. A few sluggish moments, and she realized that Ren's master had not let him come alone.

She had to act quickly.

Thoughts flew through her head, as she allowed herself another gulp of the precious water. She would have no compunction about leaving him here, after all his underlings would nurse him back to health, but he knew where she was. He would always know where she was. Maybe, if she could keep the first order from finding him...she could disappear too. There was, too, and unbidden, unwelcome part of her that wanted to have him near. Her feelings toward the man were negative, but the Force bond gave her a sort of strength that gave her solace. The decision was made what felt quite quick, but her own fatigue made it difficult to focus, as she used her arms to stand, and shuffled to his form, using the vestiges of her strength and the Force itself to pull him the short ways to her ship. He came willingly enough, though she had to half-drag him, and stopped several times. Her eyes darted skyward, seeing evidence of a full search party in progress. They likely had tracked Ren's ship … she anticipated it would not give them much time to make their escape. She could only hope they would halt pursuit if there was a risk that they would fire on one of their own.

At the ramp, he completely collapsed, and she had to pull him the last few meters without any assistance. The moment they entered the ship, she left his body lying on the floor, hurrying to the controls to pilot their way out off the planet… out of the system. Somewhere safe. Rey felt her own concentration numbed, as she licked dried, cracked lips, and thrust the engines forward and up, rising above the cloudless sky, into the swirl of stars.


End file.
